The Zen of Dating

When I started dating a new guy after my breakup, I felt I had to reach out to him all the time. If he was going to get the message that I was interested, then it was up to me to to inform him…constantly. 

Whenever I didn’t hear from him within 24 hours I’d reach out to him by text:

“Good morning.”

“How are you?”  

“Whatcha doing?

“I miss you.”

Yes, this was my way of reminding him that I existed. For every moment  he was not texting me or making plans, I felt that he must’ve forgotten about me and moved on.

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My Ex’s New Girlfriend

It all began with the photographs we’d taken. On film. That’s how long we were together. When we first started dating I didn’t have a cell phone or a computer. I had given him my phone number on a piece of paper. And when we had our first real conversation it was over a telephone with a cord.

There was still a huge box of photographs to go through since I moved out after our break up. A lot of them were of him. Even more were of us. I decided it would be best to rip it off like a Band-Aid. And that’s exactly what I did. Continue reading “My Ex’s New Girlfriend”

Sexual Expression is an Act of Bravery

Sexuality for me is a journey and I am exploring it with new eyes. Since recently becoming single after fifteen years, I have an opportunity to create the types of sexual relationships I choose and to express my sexuality in ways that I desire. But it’s scary, because I spent so long keeping it locked tightly away.

As a young girl I knew I was hyper sexual and expressing it came easily. One of my earliest memories is at four years old hiding in the closet with a neighbor friend after a bath. We took off our towels and explored each other’s bodies and it felt very natural to do so.

But quickly I learned that sex—while rampantly (and distortedly) displayed in media—was not something safe for me to express in my life.

I was heavily slut shamed. And the thing about slut shaming or any social conditioning is that after a while, you begin to do it to yourself—only harsher. Continue reading “Sexual Expression is an Act of Bravery”

I Love You For Tonight

In college I dated a guy who I thought was the bee’s knees. The year was 1998. Grunge had given way to neo-hippie fusion a la Madonna. Desert raves and ecstasy were in vogue, and I’d ditched a perfectly handsome pre-law major to chase a boy with dreads who played congas in the Venice Beach drum circle.

On our first date we had sex. I don’t remember saying yes, but I definitely didn’t say no. I was nineteen and he was twenty five—a man as far as I was concerned. And he knew where my clitoris was. Not like the other college boys.

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